New Beginnings

I really enjoyed last night.  I went to H’s house and played games all night with my ex and daughter.  Apparently they do this at least once a week and have set methods and routines when playing the games.  We began with “Loser”  we played with Heather’s roommate and her boyfriend until they had to leave.  He is a slot machine technician and had to work.  J went with to celebrate the eve of 2008 with him.  We then played “Urban Legends” which was a lot o’ fun.  After that “In a Pickle”.  Heather has a whole closet of games.  At midnight we drank chamepagne and then continued playing.  At 3 am it was time to leave.  Both Dave and Heather were messaging their significant others.  I was feeling a bit lonely.  I cannot believe it, but I am actually jealous that Dave is dating.  I am not sure why, but I am!

 I then spent today sleeping and cross-stitching.  I didn’t get much stitching done, but only have backstitching and beading left on Angel Procession.  It will be finished in Febraury.  I have committed to stitching in my rotation this year.  I was a bit all over the place last year.  With the conference in April, and Heather’s surgery in October, I didn’t do as much stitching as usual.  I cannot say that is bad, but so be it.  I only finished 3 pieces and one was a smaller piece.  This year I should finish Angel Procession,  Footprints, and St. Basi’s Cathedral.  I might get Castle Sampler done, but…. 

Work will prove interesting.  We interviewed for 2 positions in the last week.  We also will be moving cubes soon to put our Exec VP’s people in accounting back together since they are spread out.  L though that D said that we move according to company tenue.  I have a BIG problem with that given that I have 3rd highest seniority in the group, but it would put me 6 out of 7 the other way.  Given that last time we moved based upon group seniority I don’t think it is fair!  Ultimately it really means being away from the windows which is a problem.  L also told me that our new VP thinks that we need to have a manager for the AA’s and not just Liz as a supervisior.  D told L on Friday and she doesn’t know what it means.  I think that I do and it is a reaction to L playing favorites and some of us doing a hell a lot more work than others.  I know D respects that Deb and I work our butts off and others just float along.  I actually think it is a great idea.  We shall see. 

I have also been very loud about not being promoted in a timely manner.  Given our job profiles I am truly the ONLY AA doing the top level work.  That pisses me off… I wonder what M will do with the group now that he had listened to everyone who left the group.  We shall see.

Toastmasters

Well, I did it!  I did commit to being Lt. Governor – Marketing for District 22 next year.  My decision was actually rather easy given that Annette and I think alike and are goal oriented.  It shoudl prove to be interesting.  It is a 4 year committment putting me as District Governor in 2010-2011.  Later my buddy Larry reminded me that the year I am DG that the International Conference is in Sidney, so my trip will be paid by the district.  Interesting news.  Annette’s will also be paid since she will be Past District Governor.  I know that I am committing during a time of change since TI is looking to revamp things.  We shall certainly see.

I am also thinking a good deal of my dad lately.  I wonder what he would think.  Even 2 year after his death, I am still looking for his approval and ‘Great Job Baby Girl”.  I know he would be proud.  He would have held my hand during H’s surgery and helped me through my knee thing.  He would love my being DG.  He would think of it like he did he beloved Masons.  Mom doesn’t really understand, but she is pleased.  Christmas is always hard without him around.  Okay, most holidays are. 

I am still waiting to see pictures of the wedding.  Mom, Mike and Diani were here last weekend.  They trekked through the bad weather to take my nephews to the airport.  The hour and a half drive took almost 3 and a half due to the ice in Kansas and the snow on top of ice here.  They lef the boys at the airport since there flight was delayed by almost 2 hours (they were scheduled to leave at 8:45 pm and the flight left at 10:59 pm) with instruction if it was cancelled to call me and they would spend the night until they could get out.  Mom said they went ice skating in the van, spun 3 times and ended up in the median, but Mike was able to get out.  To be totally honest the weather here has just sucked this year.  Ice, freezing rain, and snow 5 weekends in a row.  It isn’t supposed to be bad this weekend, but we had 3 inchs of snow this morning. 

I stayed home sick.  I have had a bad cold since last weekend, but at least with the miracle drug Advair, it hasn’t settled in my lungs.  I would hate to start the year out by using all of my sick time.  I did get quite a bit done since it was slow this last week.  Since you cannot roll more than one week of vacation time, everyone was rushing to take their time before they lost it.  I wish I were one of them.  I actually took my 6 weeks this year.  I like the week between Christmas and New Years because I can close projects, and get things done that I haven’t had time to all year.  so be it.

Whew…

Glad to see the ice from Tuesday’s storm finally melting.  D has most of his tree laying in pieces in front of his house. I suppose I am glad I didn’t do much in the yard this year.  Tomorrow the carpets will be cleaning (yeah), but the day before the next storm may not have been the best idea, but hey — so be it.  I think they are just doing downstairs, but then I will need to have the upstairs done later.

Work is still crazy.  I still haven’t turned in my High Performance Leadership Project for my DTM.  I thought I had, but I didn’t see credit last week and then found it neatly still stuck in the manual. How dumb can you be?  In my case pretty dumb.  I just think that work is overriding everything else.  Then again – last year this time I was worried about getting the contract for the conference signed.  I love them both, but the focus on work is actually more fulfilling in many respects.  While I occasionally get frustrated, I feel validated most of the time.  Yesterday and today were good examples.

So much is going on…

I should have posted on Monday of last week, but I got busy with work. I went to my brothers wedding.  I left for home on Thursday and left on Sunday.  It was the longest time I have spent at home since before my dad died in September 2005.  Choas occurred on Friday morning.  The Diocese of Western Missouri and Kansas would not allow them to get married in the church because my brother’s official divorce paper had not arrived, but no one warned them until Thursday night.  D’s brother-in-law received approval to marry them so decorations in the church were moved to the reception hall. D and her sister ended up calling all of her guests to change the time (we moved back an hour) and the location.  It was a very long day.  Mom and I cooked for the rehersal dinner most of the morning, but our afternoon was relaxing once the chaos was resolved.  D’s family (with the exception of her mom) are great.  Her brothers are so funny. 

She ended up with about 170 of her 200 guests attending despite everything.  I work with her first cousin and knew his side of the family (minus her mom – no one wants to claim her), but I had only superfically met her dad’s side of the family.  Her dad dragged my dad’s tractor and truck out of the pasture every spring from 1994 to 2005!  The rehersal dinner was fun and so was the wedding.  Hence the reason that I stuck around.  It was actually fun and I think M has found a keeper.  If he hasn’t he will need to move away from Burlington because everyone knows his wife! 

His boys like her and so do I so… We shall see.  I really didn’t like K at all.  It was actually fun to be at home!  The sad thing is that I didn’t even know the score of the Big 12 conference game until Sunday night.  I was happy that MU lost because it gave KU a BCS bowl game.  How I love college competition. 

Saturday I spent the afternoon here at home watching basketball and cross stitching.  I haven’t spent much time with hand work in awhile.  Too much going on to concentrate on stitching.  Then today I stayed at home during the ice storm – no no ice for these bad knees – and worked from home.  I got a lot done.  No inteferance other than same time messages (which I really hate a good deal of the time).  The power went off briefly, but we actually had more rain, but the ice is frozen about 1/2 thick on the trees.  My ex has half a tree in his driveway!  Gosh, I hate ice. 

All in all I am feeling a good deal better about a lot. Work is still frustrating since my boss and my supervisor have their panties in a twist.  I am assuming that it means that they are getting pressure from our new VP to change their ways.  In some ways I like that, but in others not so much.  My director really does need to lighten up and not micro manage some projects.  She has pet projects and sites that she pesters.  She leaves Deb and I alone, but she really does drive some of the other AAs nuts.  As long as my teams are happy, and the development managers feel that I am doing my job, I feel validated.  I suppose that I think that maybe it really is time for some people to think about retiring or relinquishing some of their duties (mostly self-imposed).  I guess I will just wait it out.

H. is doing great.  She is feeling good and her face hurts less all of the time.  The cortisteriods have been adjusted and she is losing some of the water weight now.  That makes her happy.  Now that her hair is growing out, she is feeling better as well.  She is back to being sefl-sufficient and is looking for help to pay all of her medical bills. Both surgeons have waived their fees.  That was amazing.  We shall see!

Oh well, it was a great game..

KU lost  , but 11 – 1 still is great for a young team with a tiny quarterback.  I was surprised to see how small Ressling really is, but he was awesome second half – against a great defense.  Now we just have to hope that they get a BCS bowl anyway.  I think the only way that will happen is for MU to beat Oklahoma for the Big 12 title.   It is a hard one for me to want that because Oklahoma is an old Big 8 school with a great football tradition.  And they gave MU the only loss they have had so far.  We shall see what happens.

I suppose I am going to take Friday off and leave for mom’s on Thursday after work.  It is hard to be excited, but Diane is nice and deserves my support.  I don’t think that either of the kids will make it there, because they both work on Saturdays.  Since we didn’t get an invitation, it makes it even harder to be thrilled.  I suppose in a way it is bitter grapes, but heck… 

H and I decided that we are going to Cabo in May.  I cannot wait.  It will be so nice and a relief for both of us to get away.  I have to decide what to do with B later.  I am sure it will be going to Cleveland and seeing the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but again, who knows.  I would rather do that than go to a car show somewhere.  We shall see, I have a bit of time to decide.

KU vs. MU – The Border War…

We had permission to wear either KU or MU shirts today at work.  This was truly a first.  I think that the city has gone mad.  Those supporting other Big 12 nearby like K-State and Nebraska are incensed that the world has gone crazy. Who would ever have expected KU to be number 2 and MU number 4 and LSU to get beatten.  Tomorrow is game day and I think that we are all prepared (sort of anyway) to get down to business and see what happens.  My dad would have been so thriled.  I usually have my KU gear out for Basketball Season – not football, but hey…  Madness is in the air.  Extra police are on duty tomorrow to stop any choas after the end of the game.  This “Border War” is just so crazy.

H and I have decide that we are taking a spring vacation to Cabo at the end of May.  I took out a loan on my 401K to help pay doctor bills for H and I saved off some to finance the trip.  We just need to figure out when she is out of finals next semester.  We are going to an all inclusive resort and are so excited.  This will give me the motivation to lose weight – 4 months = 20 pounds easy – but I have to get myself going.  I actually think I can lose more, but I have to get my butt back in the gym almost every day. 

On the other hand, my mom is going nuts with the wedding coming up next weekend.  It should be interesting.  I hope it is Mike’s last one.  I hope so  – 3 was the charm for my aunt, so maybe it will be for Mike.  I swear that this year has been nuts!

KU – GO JAYHAWKS..

Who would have guessed that college football would be so interesting in the Big 12 this year.  I admit that I am not into – nor have I ever been into – professional sports, but I love the college arena.  Typically now I am already anxious for the regular basketball season to get under way, but this year has been interesting.  With MU at 9 – 1 and KU at 10 – 0 it is a great season.  I plan to go to the KU/MU game on the 24th at Arrowhead.  It should be awesome.  I cannot believe that KU is in the top 5 – we are actually thinking of where we will end up with the bowl bids.  We are being called the Cinderella team this year.  We are so used to doing well in basketball that most of us are having a hard time with this football thing.

My dad would be so excited. When I watched the KU/OSU game last night, I had a feeling that dad was watching from somewhere.  I could just hear him yelling at the TV.  Griping about calls.  He really prefers football over basketball (he played football in high school), but he gave in for basketball since that is KU’s game.  It is a bit weird to hear “Rock shock KU…” at a football game.  It is awesome to hear at Allen Field House, but it just seems a bit unusual.  What is unusal is that I am talking about football. 

One the other hand, Platte County football is back.  After losing only one game when my daughter was in high school – a heartbreak loss – I might add – they are coming back.  Sherman is thrilled and so is every Platte County kid and every alumni around.  When H was in high school, Platte County has the second longest winning record in high school football. You would think that we live in Texas!  Anyone could rob half of Platte City on a game night – we are all packed into the staduim.  The rivaly is so strong that St. Pius footballs appeared on my cube – at least Platte County won and I replaced the football. 

The weather is perfect for football – not freezing, but crisp fall air.  A bit cloudy, a bit damp – just what we didn’t have when I went to high school in Tucson!  I never felt that football was right in Tucson.  I was remembering those trips to Memorial Stadium in Lawrence with my dad and Uncle David.  It was an adventure!  When we lived in Lawrence it was a 3 block walk and ta-da – we were there.  Isn’t it odd what memories come flooding back over something so simple?

Time to be humorous…

H came to our Advanced Toastmaster meeting on Tuesday.  She appeared to pick me up from work without her wig and ready to enjoy herself.  She seemed so much more relaxed and healthy than she has since early this summer.  Someone gave up a speech spot and Heather gave a speech about her surgery.  The lead up from meeting with the neurosurgeon that morning, to falling a s l e e p… to having a wad of gauze removed from her nose.  She was so funny.  We all laughed and laughed.  That is my H…  She has this wonderful sense of humor!  It is so nice to see her back.

My promotion at work is finally in process.  Two years too late, but finally…  It makes me feel a bit better.  What drives me nuts is that it has been delayed because my supervisior is intimidated by me, I don’t want her job – I am relieved not to be a supervisior, but she certainly shouldn’t be worried!  I just filled out my quality of life survey, and I was very honest about my dissatisfaction of promotions.  Damn it all!

Feeling better..

Mom actually sent H money to help out with her rent this month.  I do believe that my ‘good’ brother called her and said – hey stop putting Mike and his fiance first – force them to do it at least partially on their own and help out H.  She really needs it right now – Mike doesn’t.  She actually sent almost $1000 as a gift to help out with buying a new wardrobe and pay her rent.  I think that mom is finally beginning to realize that in her desparation to not be lonely – she is causing N and I to feel very ignored.  Mike can and should support himself, at least contribute something monetary to supporting the household.  Mom should not be supporting my brother, his fiance, and his two boys 17 and 15.  It is silly for her at 73 still working to do that.  At some point in time, Mike has to grow up and he won’t do it if mom doesn’t force him to do so. 

On the money front, I finally conned my company to allow me to take out a loan on my 401K to help pay some of the medical bills for H until her medicad kicks in soon.  That is a relief.  I just hated to contact credit card companies, my mortgag holder, etc. of what was going on, but I would miss payment if I didn’t.  They have all made arrangements for me.

 H is working now and doing ok.  The steriods are causing her to fill out a bit – okay – alot, but she is healthy and that is all I need.  My skinny short daughter is now not so short and is filling out from the overly skinny kid.  Her hair is growing out and she is feeling better.  H is still on restriction from using a straw.  Apparently that puts a good deal of stress on your face including the nasal passages.  Amazing how something so simple can really be so destructive.  Think about how hard it is…  I never thought about it before.  She has learned to ask for a second cup when she orders a drink to go since otherwise she will be wearing her drink!  She has a great attitude and that is what counts.

My Toastmasters conference is over.  It was fun and nice to only have to worry about a single 45 minute educational session presentation as opposed to running the darned thing.  As usual, our top 3 is a bit unorganized.  At least one of them keeps things going, but she has her nose where it doesn’t belong.  I thought it was just me, but apparently others are complaining about the same thing.  In terms of covering for the other 2 she doesn’t really have a choice, but she should let her area governors and division governors do their jobs without interference. I don’t mind telling her to leave my AGs alone, but I am apparently the exception.  Oh well… it is over and we had a good time.  The presentation went very, very well and M, T, D, C and I enjoyed the conference.  D drove the 4 of us women.  The mini van was packed.  His room with a king bed was huge and ours with 2 doubles was tiny.  You should have seen us decide the order we would get ready in the morning.  We all had to be at the DEC breakfast at 6:30 so we were up pretty early.  D just laughed at us.  The way home the van was fuller since D won the District Toastmaster of the year (well deserved I might add).  My dear H was recognized with a Governors Appreciation for Special District Dedication.  As a 21 year old she worked her behind off as chair of the spring confernce and coordinator of our Toastmaster Leadership Institute.  She didn’t come because she knew she would be really tired and her boyfriends birthday was Saturday.  Not that he would be upset, but this is the first birthday the they have been together in the last 3 years (the broke up before her senior year in high school) and just got back together her senior year in college. (she won’t graduate this year though since she missed this semester – but hey). 

Money…

Simple concepts pay bills on time, keep a budget, save money and when medical issues overrun your life file for bankruptcy.  I think I am drawing near.  My bills are more than I can pay and I make damned good money, but the last year is depleting what little resources I have.  I don’t want to deplete my retirement because my 401k is pretty safe.  H asked my mom for a loan today and mom called me to say she didn’t have the $400.  The sad thing is that I know that isn’t true, but she is paying for my brothers 3rd wedding in December and her money will go there no matter what.  Right now I am hurt, furiious, and am felling that maybe it is really is time to say, well Mike means more than anything else right now.  I still have anger (and probably always will) in how my almost 44 year old brother treated dad.  Mom’s money is his so be it.  The decision is made over a measley $400.  I would have had it, but I paid a huge amount of money just getting this surgery going, so I just don’t have it any longer. 

I think the major feeling is sadness.  As the only girl, I only ever asked for money once – when I left Tucson and moved to Maryland.  Mom and dad paid for the move and put the down payment on the apartment.  And no the didn’t ask for me to repay them because I simply didn’t have it then.  They also gave me a roof over my head for two years so that I could get through college.  At that time, I paid for my own daycare, insurance, car payments, credit cards, etc.  I worked my ass off to get my degree and their help was invaluable.  Mom lent me $2000 for a week when I took out my last car loan.  This is the only other time someone in my family has asked for a loan. 

I almost feel as if my mom has died.  She knows that my other brother and I are angry that she won’t make Mike support himself.  He has lived there for almost 7 years and mom has supported eveyrthing but the school loans he has taken out.  He used that money to buy laptops, cars, motorcycles, etc.  Mom has paid every penny to support his two children and my nephew joined the army prior to graduating high school to get away.  I am sad that my brother is going to college, but my nephew will need to put himself in danger in order to have the government pay for his medical bills.  It just plain makes me crazy.

In my anger and sadness, I am NOT going to my own brothers wedding in December.  When everyone asks, I can honesty say that my daughter takes priority over a damned 3rd wedding.  I almost makes me angry enough to tell his finance that he was married before Kay.  He never told Kay about Sandy and he hasn’t told Diane either.  Why, I have no friggin’ clue.  She was a handfull and they were young, but to lie about a part of your life it a litte odd.  No wedding gift, no congratulations, no nothing.  He is dead to me… He helped hurry my dad to his grave but harrassing him and taking ownership of my dad’s stuff so…I am so angry and sad.

I know that I should wait to see.  I have a high likelihood of having uterine cancer right now and I cannot wait for the biopsy.  I have always had the tendency to look at things from the optimistic perspective and do now, but this makes it more difficult. Now I wish I hadn’t told mom because she will call until the biopsy gets back.  She never sent H a card, she did call though.  I just hadn’t even had the time to think about my own delayed biopsy, because H was more important at the time.  Now I have to face it and just wait.  We shall see is all I can say.  In the meantime, I am going back to bowling, Toastmasters, etc.

The good news, if there is a silver lining, is that my Toastmasters Division Contest went flawlessly.  Even Lois stopped me to say this was the best contest she has been at in years.  Coming from Lois, I know that the event was a success.  The humorous contestants outdid themselves.  It could have been the district contest itself – they were so funny.  We were on time, we recognized all of the dignitiares and T and N were flawless.  They were both prepared and awesome.  So, yes, I guess there is a silver lining.