My poor, poor daughter..

I though that last week sucked.  This week has been 150% worse.  I think that I mentioned that my daughter moved home 2 weekends ago.  She hadn’t unpacked much, but she bought a good a new comforter, shams, end tables, etc., but all of her boxes were still in the living room.  Last Sunday she spent the night with her dad and his new girlfriend and her 15 year old daughter.  When she came home Monday all seemed fine.  She like her soon to be step-sister, her brother’s girlfriend made her a jelly bean cake that evening.  I had had a sucky day.  I lost a court case with my old landlord – the big fat liar  that day and H., was very supportive. 

Tuesday she took me to work (her car is in the shop having the engine replaced).  I kissed her goodbye and reminded her to pick me up from the bus stop at 4:30.  I would then take her to work.  I reminded her she was catering at 11.  I had to call her at 7:50 because my class was going to last until 4:30.  I asked her to have her brother take her to work between her shift and pick me up at 5:08 instead.  For some reason – instinct I guess – I texted him to ask him to pick me up at 5:38 instead – it would have given me some time to catch up at my desk since I was essentially out of the office for two days.  He told me she hadn’t come home between shifts. 

Again, instinct – I called work to ask why she didn’t come home between shifts.  I would have to walk 2 miles home from another bus stop and it was darned cold and I didn’t have the right shoes to walk.  A boy I know from when she was in high school answered and said, ‘Mom, H. didn’t show up for her catering shift and she isn’t here for her evening shift either.”  It was about 5:15 by then and she was supposed to be at work at 5.  I panicked.  I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what.   I walked home, took a short cut through the woods, sunk in mud up to my ankles.  I got home and began to hunt around.  On the walk, I called her dad, her best friend, her work, her ex-boyfriend, her current boyfriend, and her old roommate.  No one had heard anything.   At home, I looked for a note because I was pretty certain I knew where this was heading.  I found an IM to her boyfriend who hadn’t logged in since the night before.  It said she was going to commit suicide.  I called her dad back and withing 20 minutes I had 3 policemen her to help fill out the missing persons report and look at the message. 

 Her dad got here right after the police left.  We began calling everyone we knew.  No answer.  We had called hospitals, etc, but no response.  At about 9 pm, I got a call from the hospital near home.  She had come in in the morning with a drug overdose.  They had her in ICU on a ventilator and sedated.  Apparently she took about 30 Ambien, got scared and went to the hospital.  She lost her gag reflex so they did the vent.  It was awful.  We stayed until about 10:30 pm and came home. 

Yesterday I spent the day with her.  They removed all of the machines at about 9 am (they tried at 8 pm, but her O2 levels were too low).  Right now she is at a short term mental health facility.  Last summer she was diagnosed with DID.  So I feel like I am living in a soap opera?  Yes.  She has been diagnosed as bi-polar since she was a pre-teen.  Oddly enough, she was taking her meds, getting along wonderfully at work, has a nice boyfriend, but something else is going on right now.  Her psychiatrist said that one of her multiples is causing the problem.  We are trying to find a psychiatrist who specialized in DID which is hard.  It isn’t common. 

I just wonder what is causing all of the pain in my lovely, lovely 22 year old.  She just turned 22 on the 14th and now….It just sometimes feels as if the world is spiraling downward.  All I can do is stay focused and try to help.