My poor, poor daughter..

I though that last week sucked.  This week has been 150% worse.  I think that I mentioned that my daughter moved home 2 weekends ago.  She hadn’t unpacked much, but she bought a good a new comforter, shams, end tables, etc., but all of her boxes were still in the living room.  Last Sunday she spent the night with her dad and his new girlfriend and her 15 year old daughter.  When she came home Monday all seemed fine.  She like her soon to be step-sister, her brother’s girlfriend made her a jelly bean cake that evening.  I had had a sucky day.  I lost a court case with my old landlord – the big fat liar  that day and H., was very supportive. 

Tuesday she took me to work (her car is in the shop having the engine replaced).  I kissed her goodbye and reminded her to pick me up from the bus stop at 4:30.  I would then take her to work.  I reminded her she was catering at 11.  I had to call her at 7:50 because my class was going to last until 4:30.  I asked her to have her brother take her to work between her shift and pick me up at 5:08 instead.  For some reason – instinct I guess – I texted him to ask him to pick me up at 5:38 instead – it would have given me some time to catch up at my desk since I was essentially out of the office for two days.  He told me she hadn’t come home between shifts. 

Again, instinct – I called work to ask why she didn’t come home between shifts.  I would have to walk 2 miles home from another bus stop and it was darned cold and I didn’t have the right shoes to walk.  A boy I know from when she was in high school answered and said, ‘Mom, H. didn’t show up for her catering shift and she isn’t here for her evening shift either.”  It was about 5:15 by then and she was supposed to be at work at 5.  I panicked.  I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t figure out what.   I walked home, took a short cut through the woods, sunk in mud up to my ankles.  I got home and began to hunt around.  On the walk, I called her dad, her best friend, her work, her ex-boyfriend, her current boyfriend, and her old roommate.  No one had heard anything.   At home, I looked for a note because I was pretty certain I knew where this was heading.  I found an IM to her boyfriend who hadn’t logged in since the night before.  It said she was going to commit suicide.  I called her dad back and withing 20 minutes I had 3 policemen her to help fill out the missing persons report and look at the message. 

 Her dad got here right after the police left.  We began calling everyone we knew.  No answer.  We had called hospitals, etc, but no response.  At about 9 pm, I got a call from the hospital near home.  She had come in in the morning with a drug overdose.  They had her in ICU on a ventilator and sedated.  Apparently she took about 30 Ambien, got scared and went to the hospital.  She lost her gag reflex so they did the vent.  It was awful.  We stayed until about 10:30 pm and came home. 

Yesterday I spent the day with her.  They removed all of the machines at about 9 am (they tried at 8 pm, but her O2 levels were too low).  Right now she is at a short term mental health facility.  Last summer she was diagnosed with DID.  So I feel like I am living in a soap opera?  Yes.  She has been diagnosed as bi-polar since she was a pre-teen.  Oddly enough, she was taking her meds, getting along wonderfully at work, has a nice boyfriend, but something else is going on right now.  Her psychiatrist said that one of her multiples is causing the problem.  We are trying to find a psychiatrist who specialized in DID which is hard.  It isn’t common. 

I just wonder what is causing all of the pain in my lovely, lovely 22 year old.  She just turned 22 on the 14th and now….It just sometimes feels as if the world is spiraling downward.  All I can do is stay focused and try to help. 

Oh Gosh, NOT Again…

I hate it, but my boys once again deleted the history and lost my saved password.  It took me forever to get a new one (my fault).  Things are changing here again.  My daughter moved back home (again) and they boys have to share a room again.  My place doesn’t have a basement so they cleaned up the garage and made a place to watch TV, play video games, etc.  At least it gets the music away so I don’t here it through the walls.  My daughter still has boxes everywhere.  And I do mean everywhere.  She has to get them unpacked or stored by the end of the week.   She will be saving money to get her car fixed and I cannot say I really mind. 

Work has been crazy.  My offiicer is losing her mind – I think literally.  She wants to be the person who makes decisions, but now she is having her world and responsibilities decreased.  To be honest, none of us really mind.  For my systems, I had others that I escalate issues to anyway.  The implementation of subject matter experts or SME has been full of problems.  No one bothered to filter information down to the lower level project leaders.  My projects don’t have an actual SME assigned to them so I am in never never land.  When I asked, the answer was that I would be responsible.  Now I have two jobs for the price of one.  Nice job!  I guess it means that I have job security, but damn…  I think of Suz’s comments in her blog and I think – I wish I were far more verbal at work.  In fact, my officer sent me a nasty gram Saturday as she and my supervisior were entering SME for our projects not yet migrating.  I marked a few of mine with a product name (which I knew had no SME, but no one would suggest how I chunk it).  She said i should have asked.  My response (which I took a long time to compose) said I had asked several times.  The SME area that was originally thought to contain it was removed, so I asked my supervisior.  Futhermore, I had my projects ‘chunked’ late on Wednesday.  I left them with my supervisior. If someone had questions, they should have directed them to me on Thursday or Friday.  Her terse response was that I should have followed up.  Hum, she is never around and my supervisior didn’t know.  What was the big deal?  Only that she didn’t know how to chunck them either.  To be honest, this is the crap that has been going on for awhile.  This is the first time that she has been testy, but I will keep the email on hand.

On Thursday, I did send her an email asking for advice on how to handle a project that was chunked out to a SME that has already said he will not address the retirement portion of the system.  My concern was that I didn’t want the team scheduling meetings that included SME that were not willing to handle that part of the system.  Note, I didn’t chunk the project out to that area – my officer did.  She forwarded the email to the VPs, and the SME asking for advice.  The answer from them was that I really was the SME in that area and that I should officially have that job.  Oh yes, aren’t I happy?

 To make matters worse, I am not the only AA in the dog house.  She went through everyones project list and second guessed every single one of us.  My neighbor was furious.  Both of us spent 3 hours past work time to finish the work and then she second guesses us.  In my area, she only assigned statements to the wrong SME, and actually created a new one!  Not the one I was asking about!

Oh well, I feel better now.  I spent all weekend reading and cross-stitching.  That always feels great.  It was relaxing and took my mind off of everything.

 Oh yes, my ex is dating and I hate it!  Who knew that after being divorced almost 13 years that I would be jealous?  It just seems weird.  Our daughter spent the night at his girlfriends and met her 15 year old daughter.  She said she likes her, so that is good.