What Now?

Nice job, Kim…now I have bronchitis – at least no asthma.  The only nice thing is that I had a nice day cross stitching on a piece I haven’t gotten to in ages…Teresa Wentzler’s “Christmas Wreath”.  I got in 4 hours on it and another 1.5 hours in on Peacock Tapestry.  Then again, I slept for 4 hours in the middle of the day.  At least is was nice and rainy – the perfect kind of day to sleep. 

Yesterday, I left work early and went to the doctor.  I didn’t see my regular doctor, but I saw the new guy instead.  It was okay, but that is what happens when you miss an appointment and she is popular.  I knew last Tuesday that I was catching something, but when I missed the appointment because H’s were running very late.  Hers were more important.  No one minded that I left after two and a half hours largely because whenever I have bronchitis I lose my voice.  I held a tele-conference anyway yesterday afternoon.  The nice thing is that the week is pretty light in terms of meetings.  Next week is really light- meaning I will only work 1 and 1/2 days.  I plan on leaving at about eleven on Tuesday to attend a TM meeting with H and then we go to St. Joe….

She is showing signs of stress right now.  I think that the nerves are finally catching up with her.  It is all rather scary.  I am glad that the ENT told us so much, but my goodness – an hour just to get into the location of the tumor and then another half an hour to an hour to reconstruct and get out is pretty intense.  Dave and I have a really long day ahead of us just waiting and passing time.  We are both really nervous, but it will all go well and she will stop growing – I hope.  I just cannot believe that with 3 inch heels she is looking me in the eye.  My baby just cannot be that tall. 

Right now I have the two kitties and my little dog on the bed sleeping.  Jean Luc is pacing as usual.  He is getting older and older day by day.  I am afraid that it won’t be too long before I have to put my beloved Sheltie to sleep.  That also scares the crap out of me.  B., my 19 year old son, feels that I am being too pessimistic and he just hugs Jeanny.  He is the prettiest dog in the world, but just not exactly smart.  Andy, the Jack Russell, will just be so lonely.  The cats aren’t really fond of him, but they will sleep on top of Jean Luc if it is cold.  At 11, I should be pleased, but my mom’s sheltie,Jocko, lived to be almost 14 to the day.  As B says, Jean Luc has seemingly been with us forever.  One day my mom asked for a family picture.  She wanted all 5 of us in the picture.  She meant H, B, Dave and I and B’s girlfriend C who has long been a member of the family.  Instead B thought she meant Andy, Jeanny, H, B and I.  Sadly, he doesn’t really consider his dad, Dave, to be a part of the family.  Something has gone on lately and they don’t talk.  It is kind of hard to not talk to your dad who lives four houses away, but B is accomplishing that fairly well. 

I think I am sleepy again although it is only 10:30.  I know that I have to get to sleep tomorrow so….

Finally….A Date

We finally have a surgery date.  It is October 3.  My daughter is working as many hours as possible right now.  She wants to make sure that she can pay rent in October (I would pay if she cannot), but she says it is keeping her mind off of things.  She sees the eye doctor and ENT guy on the 2oth.  She was given details on the surgery, 4 days in ICU after surgery to monitor hormone levels, vision, urine, leakage of brain fluid etc.  Her dad and I are going to spend the time in a hotel in St. Joe during that time.  We plan on staying there the night before with H. as well since we have to be at the hospital at 5 am.  They will do a detailed MRI right before surgery (probably under anthesthia) and then do the surgery.  She was told she would probably not wake up that day.  I need to understand why.  She was told was some of the complications could be, but in reality – the doctors will not know the details until that day and while they are in there.

 I am taking the time off.  My boss told me if I run out of time – she will handle it for me.  I am just a weepy mess right now.  Sometimes I feel fine and other times, I just want to sit and cry.  Like H., I am just keeping busy.  When I am stressed I rearrange furniture and clean.  By the time this is over my house will be spotless!  I am still surprised how well H. is holding up, but she found out she has reflux and  stomach ulcer from the stress right now.  I am totally not surprised. 

On a better note, I began bowling again on a league on Monday.  I actually managed to average 196.  My real average a year before I broke the patella so …  I didn’t have any swelling, it didn’t bother me!  I admit that this is a ‘fun’ work league.  It is not sanctioned, so I am using it to get back in shape.  My friend, Donna is a bad influence, and I drank way too much beer.  I had a 154 first game, a 233 and then a 201.  I had the 233 after our teammate told us her husband took bowling seriously – so off I went.  It was really fun.  I missed it so very much!

Is the waiting game almost over?

To those who have asked, my daughter is still growing.  Because the rapid growth her damned pituitary tumor, the doctors have called in an oncologist.  Mass panic for us – his thoughts are that even if the the tumor is not malignant, they are going to do chemo…  DD is a jumble of conflicting emotions right now.  Tuesday we will know when the surgery is.  Her neurosurgeon is not sure that they will be able to remove the entire thing.  It is almost the size of a gumball and has to be broken up to remove it.  I just cannot wait until it is over.  The waiting game is almost at an end.  Thank goodness.

I am thanking goodness that DD is began at only 5 foot 4.  If she began at 5 foot 11 (my height) she would be 6 foot 2 by now.  The muscles in her back hurt because the bones have grown faster than the muscles and ligaments can handle.  She is doing PT to stretch them to prevent other problems.  She stands very sway back right now.  Her legs and arms hurt, but given everything, she has been amazing. 

I admit that I miss here being at home, but it lets me worry in smaller doses.  She comes home almost every day, but she needs to feel some control over her life right now.  I understand that.  I think that I went through the broken patella just to prepare me for how it feels from the other side.  I remember the panic the day before surgeries.  The lack of sleep and needing pain pills.  The lack of control over virtually anything in my life at that time.  She needs support and no being coddled, but I cannot help it. 

Wow is all I can say..

Between work and home, I am being buried alive.  Work is easier to handle because when you leave work, you really can sort of leave things behind.  On the other hand, home is not the same.  My daughter will know when her surgery for the pituitary tumor after her appointment on September 11.  We cannot wait.  She has grow a bit over 3 inches in 6 months.  While her bones are growing, her muscles and ligaments are being stretched.  She is having a hard time standing up tall because of the back muscles.

My son is having his cardiac work done tomorrow to determine why his heartrate speeds up from his normal 65 beats a minute to over 160 for seemingly no reason.  He has done the Holtier thing and it shows very clearly that standing up sometimes causes these increases in heart rate.  Oh brother!

 Then because things come in 3’s, my pap test shows abnormal endometrial cells.  I will have a biopsy done on October 18.  It just all seems too scary to be real right now.  One thing at a time, please.  I am consequently buring myself in fun books.  The Janet Evanovich Stephanie Plum series are a hoot.  I find myself laughing out loud on the bus to and from work and at lunch.  It is a bit embarrassing, but they are so much fun.  I spent hours cross stitching over the holiday (when I wasn’t cleaning).  I actually find cleaning peaceful as long as the kids and the pets are co-operating with me – meaning sleeping so that I don’t have to clean around them!